I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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