Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have fence marks all over my body
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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