Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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