i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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