your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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