my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize