So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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