Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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