Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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