Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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