Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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