i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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