please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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