i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
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O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize