My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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