My hand turned me down
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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