Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Come see our sink grown plant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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