god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have fence marks all over my body
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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