It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize