I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize