The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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