Got a toothbrush?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
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Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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