These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize