So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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