Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize