You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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