Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this hospital has no fireball
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize