Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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