i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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