Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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