Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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