In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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