FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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