i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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