She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
