i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
