I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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