I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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