So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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