if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize