we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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