I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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