its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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