Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize