I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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