I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize