if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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