why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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