we're chasing vodka with high fives
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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