but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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