my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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