My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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