I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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