But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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